The Musings of Some Guy

Internet dating

Posted in Uncategorized by J.D. on April 29, 2011

This is the first time that I’ve written something that isn’t related to vicarious trauma in the child welfare caseworker, aggravated circumstances and policy change, and psychodynamic theory (fun stuff, right?).

I joined eHarmony about a year ago because I was asking myself those normal, single-person questions. What’s wrong with me? Do I need another person to fill my life right now? Am I afraid to be alone?  Of course there was also damn, I need to get laid. I was hopeful at first, understanding that all I needed was a little push to get me on a date and then my past dating experience could take it from there. I started talking to a few matches and made dates. I was naively surprised that some women didn’t post recent pictures (I remember one was from three years ago). Now while I’m not in shape, you must have some guts to put a picture up from three years ago and hope the person on the other side falls for your trick (or never decides to meet you). The last eHarmony date I went on was in February, but that wasn’t a date so much as a random hookup.

Then I joined Plentyoffish, a free dating site. I actually found a more diverse amount of women here and had more fun. There were never any dates, though, as I found my avoidant personality stopped me from ever meeting anyone. There were Bible freaks, mental hospital weirdos, and the women in college that were just too naive. It seemed that the professional women I talked with lived too far away or lost interest with me.

So far, internet dating has been like  a huge tease. I’m not sure if I’ll ever meet someone here or not, but for those of you still reading, here’s been my generic experience so far:

  1. Every woman is “fun loving and spontaneous.” If you really exhibited those qualities, I would expect you to grab my hand and run as we went skydiving before I even learned your last name. Please be honest with yourself. Say if you don’t do well in social situations rather than being in denial and saying that you’re “fun loving and spontaneous.”
  2. Dog lovers. Listen, I like dogs. I probably will own one when I own a home. Showing me 132 pictures of Fluffy the poodle on her birthday and telling me her life story is nauseating.
  3. “I’m looking for the one.” I’ve been guilty of this. Recently, when I message a woman I stick to getting to know her, just talking, and seeing what happens. Sounds normal, right? I wasn’t like that. I wanted to get in your pants as soon as possible and figure out the rest later. That worked out real well. Women ready to pick out curtains after a couple of messages exist, though, and that’s just scary.

What’s the moral of this? I don’t think there is one. I joined internet dating to find companionship, and to use a baseball analogy, hit and flied out to left. I’m not sure if I’ll come up to the batters box next time around, but I have definitely been thrown some unique pitches.

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