The Musings of Some Guy

It’s an art form

Posted in Uncategorized by J.D. on August 31, 2008

Imagine that someone close to you rebuffed you in some surprising way that made you retreat into yourself a little bit and close off for awhile. Imagine that this person hurt you, and you don’t know how to repay them properly. Well, with just money for several lap dances at the local gentlemen’s club, you too can learn how to be a soulcrusher!

How can I be a soulcrusher, you ask? Well, it’s quite simple, actually. If you’ve known this person for awhile then you must certainly know the Obvious Fault. What’s that? Well the person’s most widely known fault that people usually call them on. But if it’s the most widely known fault, why use it? you may ask. You use it because you probably never have used it on the person that has denied you something to be nice to them. Well, now it’s time to shove in their face with cruel honesty! Insults like “I’ve seen special needs children smarter than you” and “jeez, there’s pieces of red, raw meat that don’t get passed around as much as you do” are always keepers!

Anger is a feeling that must be harnessed and used as a stake in the vampire’s heart for one truly to be a soulcrusher. Remember, your victims aren’t going to expect such hard and brutal honesty from you, so tears and/or physical violence may come about. So if the tears come, be ready to walk away! If the fists come, be ready to fight back! However, with the soulcrusher manual, if you’ve proceeded correctly, the victim won’t even know what’s coming! Here are some other soulcrusher favorites:

Breaking up with a significant other over instant messenger
Taking time out of your busy Madden schedule to tell your significant other the relationship’s over
Not replying to significant other when s/he says “is all you wanna do is fuck me?”
Saying “wow, you finally got it” as your victim realizes what’s been going on

So buy now!

4life Industries is not responsible for any bodily and/or mental harm as a result of using these tapes. This includes mental hospitalization, prostate removal, black eyes, eyeballs removed, tongues gashed, faces slapped, titties twisted, or drinks in the face.

One Response

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  1. marissa1273 said, on August 31, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    When I was in 8th grade. I broke up with my boyfriend on aim.
    I forgot about it until right now.
    I always knew I was a soulcrusher.

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