The odyssey of the Favre

(HATTIESBURG, MISS: Future hall of fame quarterback Brett Favre and his agent, Bus Cook sit outside of Favre’s home near the pile of axed-logs for his fireplace, drinking beer.)

 

FAVRE: I can’t believe they don’t want me anymore, Bus.

COOK: It’s a shame.

FAVRE: Two Super Bowls. Three MVP’s. And what do I have to show for it?

COOK: Stop it, Brett. We’ve gotta look for other teams. Bruce (Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ GM Bruce Allen) and I have been talking back and forth for a few days now.

FAVRE: Tampa Bay? I don’t wanna go down there, it’s too hot. Besides, don’t they have seven quarterbacks? That Grease guy? Isn’t Phil Simms on that roster, too?

COOK: That’s his son, Brett.

FAVRE: His son plays football?

COOK: Come on, you knew that.

FAVRE: I guess he’s not that good then! Don’t they also have that Garcia guy?

COOK: Yes, he went to the Pro Bowl last year.

FAVRE (smirks): I went to seven. Still, they’d probably be willing to throw him under the bus down there.

COOK (looks): Alright, anyway. How about the Jets?

FAVRE: No way.

COOK: Why not?

FAVRE: Did you see Archie Manning’s kid at the ESPY’s? When that Timbercreek guy was making fun of him he looked like a twig about to snap! There’s too much pressure there. Besides, I’m a country boy, Bus, not some guy that likes the elevated trains.

COOK: They spent a lot of money in free agency this year.

FAVRE: But who to throw to?

COOK: They’ve got Coles and Cotchery.

FAVRE: I am not going to throw balls to some guy with the last name that sounds like crotch.

COOK (under his breath): That might’ve been the smartest thing you said all day.

FAVRE: What?

COOK: Look, Brett, why can’t you just see it when it’s slapping you in the face? When they drafted Aaron Rodgers three years ago, they were drafting your replacement.

FAVRE: I knew that-

COOK: The hell you did. The Packers were expecting you to be on the way out and instead you let your balls do the talking for you and play.

FAVRE: I played pretty damn well, thank you very much.

COOK: You sure did, and we’re both rich beyond our imaginations.

FAVRE: Something you should remember.

COOK: I’m not speaking as your agent, I’m speaking as your friend. You took your final bow last March, Brett. Don’t go on bad terms.

FAVRE: Huh?

COOK: Jared Allen. DeMarcus Ware. Mario Williams. These guys are gonna be gunning for you every chance they get. Is your body gonna be able to take all those sacks?

FAVRE: Bus, I’ve still got this record for games played…

COOK: One of a billion, Brett, sure, but I don’t want you to be on another list.

FAVRE: What’s that?

COOK: Quarterbacks that didn’t know when to hang it up. Joe Montana in a Chiefs uniform. Unitas in a Chargers’. Brett Favre in a Jets’ uniform? A Bucs’?

FAVRE: Brett Favre in a Packers’ uniform.

COOK: Not gonna happen.

FAVRE: But I made them!

COOK: And now they’ve unmade you.

FAVRE (pause): Who else is interested?

COOK: Well, the Yankees need some pitching…